I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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