youre lurking in front of me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
