i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
