Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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