We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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