your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
