just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
