Jerry, you need to find god
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
