Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this will be a night to untag.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
