I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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