I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
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: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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