i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was CRYING into my vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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