I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
