all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
