i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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