you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
