I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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