Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i've created a new STD.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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