A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
