Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His hands were made for my vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
