can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
