Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
