You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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