this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
