we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
