i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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