fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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