last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
