Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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