I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
