we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
