And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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