There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
