And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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