Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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