She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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