I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
