Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need moral support for this bender
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A bitchslap is in order.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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