I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
