I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
