I just pynch a tree in the face
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize