i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
