i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
