the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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