There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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