apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
