I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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