I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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