I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize