i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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