my phone needs a breathalizer
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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