Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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