I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
