I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
