In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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