Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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