SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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