i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
