wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
