I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
