So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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