I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
