I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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