1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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