That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
