A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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