The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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