Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
