i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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