Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And then he peed in my hair
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