So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
please don't ironically join a cult
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