Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
