We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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